DS9 Season 1 Ep16: “If Wishes Were Horses”

Those of you who use Netflix on the Xbox 360 are doubtless aware of the Netflix app’s upsetting new feature: sit on any title too long, and, unbidden, the poster is replaced with a random still from somewhere in the middle of the feature. Thus begins the story of today’s synopsis: as I navigated to our episode for today, I was confused to see the DS9 cover art replaced with a terrifying gnome-man refugee from Shelley Duvall’s Faerie Tale Theatre. Remember that, internet? Maybe in your nightmares. 

I’m not sure why my mother considered this
toddler-appropriate. Oh, wait, yes I am:
it was the early ’90s.

I sat there, perplexed for a moment, and then I moaned “oh, dear God, this one.” 

Yes. That is the sort of episode we’re dealing with today. I would say to buckle your seat belts because it’s going to be a bumpy night, but I don’t need another excuse to skip this recap and watch All About Eve instead.

Synopsis: We open in Quark’s, where Quark is scolding Odo for monitoring his bar even on a slow day like this one. He offers to set Odo up with a holosuite program, but Odo says he has no time for fantasies, and people should pay attention to what’s actually going on in their actual lives. Silly. Quark offers that he could set Odo up with a sexy virtual shape-shifter lady, a suggestion that makes Odo take umbridge – even more so when he sees Jake coming down from the holosuite floor.

“You’re not allowing young Mr. Sisko in your holosuites, I hope,” Odo says icily to Quark, as though the holosuite can be used for porn purposes only. This leads me to imagine what other porn-capable devices they have in the future, and makes me wonder if Odo approves of young men using any technology at all.

“You’re not letting young Mr. Sisko
use your calculator, I hope.”

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