DS9 Season 1 Ep12: “Vortex”

Synopsis: We open on Odo pacing around the bar at Quark’s like the caged tiger he absolutely refuses to turn into no matter how much it would please me. He and Quark are trading pointed barbs about a ship that just docked, apparently it belongs to a group of shady characters, the Miradorn Raiders, which refers to a race of people who conduct raids and not an 80s new-wave band as you may have initially assumed.

Odo believes Quark is doing some under-the-table dealing with the Miradorn, his primary evidence being that Quark’s usual flunkies were not present to ply the Miradorn with fliers and coupons for the bar when they docked. Apparently, this is something Quark always does, which I think is kind of awesome and amazing. Quark knows what he’s doing: I’m sure when the tired poor huddled masses of the Gamma Quadrant show up on the station Quark will be there to personally warm them with soup in exchange for their loyalty.

“You may or may not know, Odo, that every day I go down to the waterfront with hot soup for the Irish as they come ashore, and I say, ‘come to Quark’s Quark’s is fun, come to Quark’s don’t walk run.'”

But today, Quark demures, saying he doesn’t want to go near the Miradorn because they’re known as a “quarrelsome people,” and he doesn’t want them in his place.

Odo, bored with this line of questioning (as am I) changes the subject to point out to the audience that the Klingons have also brought aboard a Gamma Quadrant visitor, and he doesn’t seem like he’s much good at eye contact, which of course makes Odo immediately suspicious. Jeez, Odo, not everybody likes cops. Maybe he’s the Rodney King of his home world, you don’t know.

Quark says the guy is harmless, which also arouses Odo’s suspicions. Quark says that the guy was scared by all the Federation attention when he boarded. I bet that’s right – after the disastrous Wadi first contact, Sisko was probably pretty serious business about making sure this one went according to textbook. Maybe they interrogated him about his hobbies to make sure the senior staff don’t get crocheted into a scarf or something (“Well, I’m sure there’s nothing unusual about this yarn where you come from, but we have regulations on this station and I’m afraid we’ll have to quarantine it in sick bay until we’re sure it won’t turn our science officers into fingerweight Space Alpaca.”)

Odo, who would have gotten that whole situation with the Maltese Falcon worked out in twenty minutes, presumes that Gamma Quadrant Guy’s discomfort means has something to hide, and wonders aloud what it is. As if in answer, two dudes we’ve never seen before come in, and they look like they’re wearing S&M Halloween costumes they made themselves. Also: are they twins or are we racist?

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