DS9 Season 2, Ep9: “Second Sight”

Synopsis: We open with a Sisko voice-over in which he laments that it’s been four years today since his angelic wife got blown up to death, and he almost let the day pass without even noticing. He’s up in the middle of the night staring at his 3D chessboard when Jake stumbles out of his room, bleary-eyed and wearing what I presume to be footie pajamas.

Jake can’t get back to sleep after a weird dream, and Sisko eagerly encourages him to talk about it over a mug of hot chocolate. Jake eschews the drink, but Sisko coaxes him to reveal his dream. Turns out Jake dreamed he was on the station, trying to get home to their quarters, but he kept getting lost, and when he got scared and tried to find Sisko he couldn’t find him anywhere, and also the floor kept sloping and making him fall on his ass.

He tells his dad that he loves him, and then brusquely says that he has to get to bed before his calc test tomorrow. As he leaves, he simply says, “Dad, I miss her,” and Sisko says that he does too, and then he returns to sleeplessly pondering his chess set. But I guess that doesn’t keep him occupied for long, because soon he’s out roaming the promenade. I really hope Jake doesn’t wake up again, it has to be alarming to have a dream about not being able to find your dad and then wake up to him not being where he’s supposed to be.

Anyway, Sisko is looking aimlessly out one of the observation windows when a small woman who looks like a pixie sneaks up on him out of nowhere and HOLY SHIT IT IS YOUNG ALLISON BLAKE FROM EUREKA. More precisely it is Salli Richardson-Whitfield, who plays the character of Allison Blake on Eureka, but this is weird because I was just saying the other day that Sisko and Allison Blake would be an amazing couple. Maybe I just like the idea of Jake and Kevin trying to share a room.

Anyway, Sisko and Space Allison Blake talk about constellations, including one the Bajorans call “the runners,” and she says something about “how good it feels to run,” which I can guarantee you would sound pretty much anti-sexy if I said it, but when she says it sounds quite alluring. She engages Sisko in talk about his job, saying that it must be super exciting to have so much going on all the time. Sisko says he prefers quiet moments like these.

They chat for a while longer, and then she goes all mysterious and says, “I like it here, I wish I could stay longer,” and Sisko is all, “where are you going?” and she goes, “I’m not really sure. I guess I’ll just keep going, like the runners,” and all I can think about is Kristen Whiig sexily breathing “red flag.”

Sisko offers to show her around the station, and when he makes the mistake of looking away for a moment, she disappears. Literally. Into thin air. That’s a major red flag. Continue reading

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DS9 Season 2, Ep8: “Necessary Evil”

Synopsis: We open on what appears to be the set of Love Across Lightyears, a space soap opera I have previously hypothesized exists. There’s a blonde lady wearing this fancy white dress/pantsuit and earrings that look like she bought them at Disney’s Tomorrowland. She’s in a room lit only by candlelight, and looking out a giant window at what is possibly the fakest thunderstorm I have ever seen or heard on television, and she turns to a companion sitting on the other side of the room to say, “I didn’t kill him, you know. A lot of people thought I did. That shape-shifter thought so. But he was wrong.”

I guess we’re not on Love Across Lightyears after all, because the camera cuts to reveal that she’s talking to Quark, who says that whatever she was talking about was a “long time ago.” The Soap Opera Lady, who is Bajoran, flounces over to sit with him and charmingly says that at least the Cardassians kept the power on. But did the trains run on time? I think we’re all dying to know.

She offers to freshen up Quark’s drink, and says that he was always kind to her, giving Quark the opportunity to exposit that he ran a black market during the occupation, and never really saw himself as kind. She protests that he always slipped a little extra ginger tea into her packages, and Quark is all, “get to the damn point already,” or maybe that was me. Anyway, she explains that she called him to Bajor to ask for a favor: apparently her husband used to have a shop on the station (back when it was Cardassian and called Terok Nor), and he kept a strongbox hidden in the wall. She wants Quark to retrieve it for her, and she’ll pay him handsomely for returning the box full of “sentimental valuables.”

Quark asks why she doesn’t get it her own damn self, and she says that she can’t bear to be back in the shop where her husband was murdered. Quark suspects that she doesn’t want to run into Odo, and she smiles a mysterious little smile and tells him which wall panel the strongbox is hidden behind. She says she can pay him five bars of gold-pressed latinum, plus her “personal gratitude.” I was pretty sure that meant sex, and then Quark confirmed it for me by creepily stroking his ear. God, ew. Continue reading

DS9 Season 1 Ep9: “The Passenger”

Kira and Bashir are out and about in a runabout when they receive a distress call from a ship that’s extremely on fire. They go on board to save people, and, against everyone’s advice, Bashir tries to be a hero and save the dangerous criminal who lit the fire. The bad guy grabs him by the throat and goes “MAKE ME LIVE” and then dies, so that’s not menacing at all.

The alien officer who captured the bad guy remains suspicious even when shown evidence of his death, and says that he’s brought himself back to life a bunch of times. When the station’s security is sabotaged according to the Space Voldemort’s MO, she’s convinced that he did it somehow, even though Sisko tells her that’s ridiculous.

Jadzia does some research and theorizes that Space Voldemort was working on transferring his consciousness to another person, and that other person might not even KNOW it. Hmmmmm.

She eventually discovers that he had some sort of crazy-consciousness-transferring device under his fingernails, which he used to transfer his consciousness to…BASHIR! Which becomes clear to everyone when he steals a runabout and goes Bonnie-and-Clyding about (in this scenario Bashir is Bonnie and Space Voldemort is Clyde). Jadzia technobabbles their way out of the problem, and cures Bashir.

There’s a B-plot, also, in which a Starfleet security expert comes in to Federation-ize the station’s security, and Odo is a crotchety old man about it. Sisko, however, reassures Odo that he’s the boss, and the Starfleet guy even winds up taking some pages out of Odo’s book, and they become reluctant pals.

And that’s what you missed on: that episode we didn’t particularly want to watch.

DS9 Season 1 Ep8: “Dax”

Synopsis: We open on Sisko voicing-over that Irishy O’Brien had to take his shrewish wife back to earth to celebrate her mom’s 100th birthday, which I’m sure is going to be all kinds of wacky, but we’ll never know, because we’re staying on the station. We cut then to the station’s Holiday Inn Express Buffet, where Bashir stares at Jadzia longingly as she reviews The Federation Gal’s Guide to Antique Space Station Restoration: Cardassian Imperialist Edition over a raktajino.

Naw, I hear you baby, but can coffee
look at you with THESE EYES?

Everything is breaking now that Irishy is gone (typical), and, because she’s apparently the only science officer on the station, it’s Jadzia’s job to get everything spiffy again. She is more interested in her tech specs than in Bashir’s clumsy pickup attempts, and seems a million miles away, even when he says “I can think of better ways of keeping you up [at night], and they’d be more fun than Klingon coffee.” That is an actual thing that he actually said.

Meanwhile, a group of super-creepy-looking dudes are hanging out inside the walls, peeping at Jadzia through the grating. This is what long-time Trekkers like to call “a bad sign.” They look at each other all meaningfully, and confirm with one another that she’s Dax – they seem reeeeeeaaaally intent on making sure.

We guess it’s nighttime (?) because Bashir offers to escort Jadzia back to her quarters, presumably after running back to his place to get his walking stick and old-timey stick-on mustache. Actually, since it’s Bashir, he’d probably just figure out a way to stimulate the hair follicles on his upper lip, and while they grew super-fast he’d shape his mustache like a bonzai tree. He could package the method and market it as Dr. Julian’s Miraculous Ten-Minute Mustache: Being a Potent Unguent for the Smooth-Faced Gentleman Who Seeks Lavish Whiskers Without Stain or Injury to Skin In Order That He Might Favoraby Impress Members of the Fairer Sex, Be They Born of God’s Earth or of a Distant Star: Be The Envy of Every Rapscallion Upon Your New Worlde or Star Shippe! (Patent Pending)

But I digress. Continue reading