Season 2, Ep13: Armageddon Game

Synopsis: We open with a Bashir voiceover. Oh, boyHe and Irishy are on a T’lani (teh-LAN-ee) cruiser because two warring alien races we’ve never heard of want to get rid of their nukes, blah-blah-blah. The T’Lani and the Kelleruns have been fighting each other for centuries with something called “Harvesters,” which are deadly gene-disrupting weapons, but now they’re not fighting anymore and they want Irishy and Bashir to throw them into the sun like they’re Superman in The Quest for Peace.

On board the T’Lani ship, the T’Lani’s primary alien feature seems to be crazy mohawks, like they all saw a sorority girl in a corvette with the top down and went, “our hair should do THAT, like, all the time! Best idea ever!” We’re doing something sciencey with tubes of liquid, and Bashir is impatient that the Outer Space Nukes aren’t being deactivated more quickly, even though he’s only been working on deactivating them for a week. Bashir is waxing rhapsodic about what a difficult problem this is.

Look, two people who are clearly from two completely different races. It’s like looking at a cat standing next to a horse, I tell ya.

So, anyway, the Outer Space Nuke Tube has changed color now, so it worked and they’re deactivated. Irishy is pumped, because he knows when to accept victory and go home, Bashir looks like he needs a nap. Then the Head Kellerun Dude, distinguishable because he has different stupid hair, comes in and gives a speech about a bright new future free of war, and thanks Bashir and Irishy for their help. He’s very specific about them also destroying all the institutional knowledge about how the Harvesters are made and how they work, which seems like a solid plan that couldn’t possibly backfire at all. Irishy concurs that they’ve deleted all of the blueprints or whatever, and the Head Kellerun Dude gives this really melodramatic speech about not resting until all the Space Nukes are destroyed. Call me crazy, but I am about 120% sure he’s up to something, a suspicion that is bolstered by the extremely suspicious music we got goin’ on going into the opening credits. Continue reading